You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize