Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
