oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
