he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize