well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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