What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
