We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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