if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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