so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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