tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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