blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize