my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
