Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize