I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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