Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
