sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
