i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
