he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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