I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
