But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
