In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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