4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize