If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
