I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
