how hairy? two words: wookie tits
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
