i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We're too hungover to prance.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
