im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
