I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
