Banned from zoo.
Again?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
