i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
