I got chris browned last night
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
