i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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