my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
