I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
