I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
