We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
