I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
