and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
