What a fucking waste of an outfit
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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