Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
