Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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