I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize