girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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