Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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