I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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