so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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