No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
