one might say we're banned from that church
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
