oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
