god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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