Can Purell be used as lube?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
