Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize