So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
