he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
