My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
