and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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