I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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