I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
