It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
