butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
