Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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