You're my little dorito
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
