I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
