Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
