im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize